PAX: Montana, Ab, HS, Valve, YJ, Popeye, Pope, Goose, White Meat, Maneater, JackKnife
AO: Lions Dens
By: Paradox
Early in YHCs F3 days Goose invited our pax to an annual Northshore event known as the Zoorich Classic . Held on the Mandeville Lakefront, created and produced by Zoolander, the Zoorich was a harrowing 2 man 18 hole frisbee golf beatdown with stretches of bearcrawls, lunges and wheel barrows interspersed with all the usual Exicon we love to hate. All told, it was a Grade 1A certified snot woggle. Just seeing an ad for the real Zurich still makes the vomit froth on YHCs palate. But we didn’t know any of this and there was quite a bit of curiosity about where Goose learned the arts of F3 and well to be honest some among us needed to make sure that names like Steve, Grundy and Tanked Up represented real people not just names Goose had given his body parts while working out alone in Mandeville. This was back in the early Cretaceous Goose Q era so we were already accustomed to quality bds, suffering , and creativity 3/week but he wanted us to get a taste of a “big crew”. So at the butt crack of dawn Kilo, Dilly and YHC loaded in the Gundra and headed across the big ponch.
Several hours later….
YHC poured something resembling his former body into the truck and clawed at a Gatorade trying to figure out what the in the hell had happened. As critical thinking began to return on the trip home my thoughts jumped from the creativity to the challenge to shared suffering to the the shear blank canvas potential of it all. YHC rambled, as I’m prone to do when overstimulated and Goose just nodded, as Goose does when he has given a man a gift. Like the florist in The Town he knew he had YHC hooked good and proper…
What follows is an ode to that Northshore Zoorich Classic that planted a thousand seeds of future beatdowns and charity events PLUS a tip of the hat to our new traditions for our Thibodaux region.
Jimmy Nance, Cue the music..
Fresh cut grass.
Birds are chirping.
A man could write a poem, easy.
Welcome Friends…
To the First Annual
F3 Thibodaux Masters
Duke !!
Gold jacket, Green jacket
Who cares, roll the bean footage!
13 pax answered the call to compete in this prestigious event.
Rules were dispersed in pre blast fashion and frisbees and score cards sat on the ready. Two newly cut trophy wearables watched over the festivities, patiently waiting to adorn champions.
Warmups – Abbreviated for time and just enough to see Tana saunter in ready for a pimento cheese and 5 ounce 2 dollar beers
Summary of the rules:
-2 man teams
-Alternate frisbees shot
-Each hole with a signature exercise that would be done before the tee shot as a “buy in”, this is split between partners and does NOT need to be even and then ten reps per man for each throw until the hole is finished.
-Lowest stroke total wins
-Trivia bonuses for up to five strives off
But here’s a kicker…
Every quality course needs a marshal to uphold course etiquette, make sure no one wears jorts and look disappointed when your tee shot kills that mistah mistah lady. So YHC put the badge on Injured Reserve Ronnie and some are saying it’s the job he was born for. Citations could be in the form of +1 or -1 and reasons varied from poor form to simply being born south of I-10. He let the judgment flow and is now a permanently feared part of this annual beatdown.
The Course Flyover
We took off for a mosey as YHC realized during the setup that releasing our competitive but frisbee challenged pax into the void to chase flags would prolly result in picking up HoneySuckle and Valve in Chackbay a week later chasing a cone mirage. So it might be best to mosey them through and have a gander at the course conditions.
Light chatter throughout as strategery was discussed and hazards noted.
Hole 1 “Flowering Aldi”
(Den flag to Aldi Ditch)
Buy In- 75 Merkins
-a medium length hole where strokes come at a premium with merkins on the line. Crafty frisbee veterans could use the concrete to their advantage.
Hole 2 -“ Isengard”
(Aldi to Jungle gym tower)
– 50 Jump Squats
-A test of fortitude for the team to get creative with teamwork. Spider monkeys like AB and J-Knife had clear advantages while the Clydesdales considered mulligans.
Hole 3 – “Mr. B. Jones”
( J gym to bball court )
– 50 Carolina Dry Dox
– a short hole littered with hazards like low hanging branches , roots and well actual litter.
Hole 4 -“Is This Heaven? No it’s Thibodaux.”
(court to field)
– 50 LBCs
– a double hazard fence line met the pax with decisions to make about laying up or gambling with your serratus anterior .
Hole 5 – “Another Man’s Treasure”
(field to dumpster)
– 40 Bonnie Blair’s
– Two good chunks here could get the pax close but a severe hazard looms. A hook too far is dead …or is it.
Hole 6 – “Baes Creek”
(dumpster to reservoir sidewalk)
– 100 SSH
– SSH all the way up the hill and try to avoid the death stares of the power walkers.
Hole 7 “Collaborate and Listen”
(sidewalk to reservoir front stop sign)
– 40 Diamond Merkins
– a long drive and well placed layup put most teams home in 3 on this short hole but overshoot your approach and you might make your money the old fashion way… getting hit by a Lexus.
Hole 8 “Danger Cone”
(stop sign to bus stop)
– 30 Apollo Ohnos (2:1)
– Another short hike with safe fairway left and Hwy heavy right. Kenny Loggins taught us this is not a safe place. 3 straight shots could get you home but don’t get stymied by the bus stop!
Hole 9 “Flaw & Order”
(bus stop to flag)
– 20 Lunges (2:1)
-Heavily patrolled by Marshal Ronnie many pax miraculously explored new muscle groups on this hole to avoid penalty strokes.
The Teams and their scouting report:
#1 GooseMeat
A true dark horse pairing YHC just needed to put White Meat with someone that wouldn’t bring up sing alongs and knew Goose would be either grunting , working the rule angles or making up new golf majors.
#2 POPEye
– what happens when you mix the wisdom of Yacht rock with the VO2 max of a dodge charger?? The old bull and the young calf would find out. Endless lungs and a smirk that won’t quit plus savvy trivia. YHC had this team in mind as a pre round leader.
#3 TanaBest- Par is your Friend
It seems AB has lived 30 different lives and YHC thought it likely he had been involved in a Frisbee Rock Club at some point. What’s a Frisbee Rock club? If you have to ask you aren’t invited. Mixed with Tana’s intimate golf knowledge this team also had great potential. Alas most of the birdies would need prior authorization.
#4 ParaJeauxs
-Hardworking, alpha males, jackhammer, merciless , insatiable.
#5 HoneyValve
Couples therapy, weekend retreats…they had tried it all and YHC couldn’t watch them in the rough patch any longer. Could the shared experience of throwing a frisbee for the first time light the old sparks??
#6 ManKnife
A seasoned team with many years in the field together. One mention of giving Jackknife pre round strokes to account for his size/age had him ready to pull a shank on YHC.
We teed off in shotgun start approximately 5:30aa and faded into the gloom chasing pins.
Everyone has a plan till you catch a frisbee in the jaw.
Post Round Coverage:
Trivia Answers
1. 4 majors – US Open, British Open or The Open (acceptable but douchey) , PGA Champ, Masters
2. Volkswagen Golf (would you guess a man driving a Prius to get this wrong?)
3. 2 on a Par5 is a Albatross/Double Eagle
4. Christopher McDonald is Shoot McGavin
5. JAWs is Mr Larsen
Was pleased that YHCs trivia hit a Thorsten approved 50% correct and hopefully got some team bonding during Shakira shimmy merkins.
From YHCs angle most put out strong efforts in gamesmanship and cardiovascular performance. Team HoneyValve was quoted at seeing some questionable form but noting they would be in a deep integrity based REM sleep tonight.
Personally YJ and YHC had a “this feels like a 4th grade field day” level of fun ending in a real and metaphysical dumpster dive.
Scores , after deductions and Trivia:
44 manKnife
42 HoneyValve
37 TanaBest
36.5 POPEye
35 yHCj
And your 2025 champions
34 GooseMeat
Keep those jackets tidy men.
Machine wash and Axe body spray should do the trick.
Looking forward to your title defense in ‘26.
Naming and counting and Ronnie got the Animal for his Marshal work.
YHC, after months of lobbying, secured ( atleast for 1 bd) the coveted Clever Girl complete with movie quality raptor shreds. Never been prouder to bring it home and at this point the M just shakes her head.
Intentions and Goose prayed out
A privilege to lead fellas
Keep showing up and we’ll keep getting better.
SYITG
Dox