PAX: Goose, Bam Bam, Duke, Maneater, Jackknife, Gordon, Mom Jeans, Lil’ Cuz, Pikachu, Barney Fife, Yogi Berra, Enron, Yankee Joe, Teravanilli, White Meat, Fence Post
AO: The Peltch
By: Goose
“Cotterday…In the Park…I think it was the 12th of July.
People stretching, people laughing, a man with a knee brace…walking to the Dome…”
When YHC woke up this morning, expectations were low. It’s been slim pickins this summer, and only Maneater had HC’d the night before, so YHC was preparing the 2.0’s for a small group, maybe only a Dawson/Roy park play-date. Nothing could’ve prepared us for the group that showed.
At first, it was as expected–the Maneater mobile (the smaller version) was patiently waiting alone in the gravel, and we happily joined them. But, before we could even get into a comfortable conversation about early morning bodily functions, the flood gates began to open. First, White Meat came roaring/drifting in just ahead of Enron. Two long-lost brethren, in the same morning! Could it get any better? Yes. Yes, it could.
Before YHC could even release these two from a manly embrace, three or four other vehicles pull in: First, Teravanilli reveals some fresh headgear, deeply appreciated by YHC, then YJ trots over trailed by the best dressed PAX I’ve ever seen: Lil’ Papi put us all to shame, head to toe in black with white trim, F3 logo blazing from a puffed out chest. I started to wonder if I could handle the Q with that much style and confidence staring at me from across the circle.
It was then that Gordon pulled in. No joke, it was Gordon. Seriously. The man came to work out. After 17 years of saying he’s almost ready to come back, one of the three original Thibodaux PAX finally made his return. YHC’s mind was blown. I wasn’t even supposed to be here, much less Q-ing, and we weren’t even done yet! We still had three minutes before warmup, and cars were still pulling in! Up struts Lil’ Cuz, the infamous DJ who drops a historic F3 album and then disappears into some kind of artist’s cave for months. But that wasn’t even the best part–right behind him was Barney Fife, the Zoom master who’s only ever see on screen; the guy who claims to be just a simple cop from Enron’s neck of the woods, but lays down the deep wisdom every week of Exodus 90 while either campfire flames or police lights reflect in his glasses. And, he’s got his 2.0 with him, so we’ve got an FNG! Mom Jeans and Fence Post were the icing on the cake–a guy whose joy is contagious, but only comes when you least expect him, and a dad who takes a break from rebuilding his house and building fences all day to get a little workout in (and has been coming multiple times a week for months now!).
So, with more Cotters than regulars, YHC was so excited and confused that he was lucky to get us through the warmup. Thankfully, Enron was there, because it seemed that with all that time away, the rest of the PAX had forgot how to count. The 2.0’s filled in the gaps with fart noises.
YHC decided to share some of the strategy learned recently for how to get a good workout in despite having a knee injury and only a hospital parking lot to work with. So, we walked semi-briskly over to the Thunderdome where YHC set up 5 “cones” around in a perimeter about 10 yards across and about 20 feet or so apart from one another.
The first task would be to “draw” a star, like we did in elementary school, criss-crossing from point to point without picking our pencils up off the paper. But, instead of pencils, we’d crab walk the lines and do 20 merkins at each point, totaling 100 merkins. This caused a bit of a traffic jam, as expected, and modifications flowed quick and easy.
Next, we simplified a bit and drew a pentagon–so, cups/cones remained in their spot, but we bear crawled the perimeter and did 20 leg raises at each stop.
The third shape was a triangle. YHC removed two cones and made an equilateral-ish triangle with the remaning three. MOT was zombie crawls, and the exercise at each stop was 20 toe-taps (plank, reach under and touch opposite toe, alternating, 2:1). This is where the number of PAX modifying may have outnumbered those doing the assigned exercise. The concrete was considerably less smooth than YHC remembered, so things were moving a little slower, and testicular compression was a factor.
Next, the simplification continued to just a line with two points. This time the MOT was alligator merkins (there and back) with 20 Australian sweat angels at each point. Maybe not the best choice for a Cotterday such as this, but it was on the list and we had plenty of time, so we couldn’t back down now, especially since Alligator merkins on one of YHC’s top three most hated exercises (that list includes zombie crawls).
The last shape was just a point in the center. We circled around this for a couple of rings of fire. The first was gas pumpers, holding six-inches (or so) with hands behind the head and pulling them in on your turn. The second was plank/merkins because YHC could feel the PAX’s disappointment that we hadn’t fully challenge the pecs.
The 2.0’s may not have delivered the speed we were looking for, but they gave us the workout we needed. (There’s a lot to process, you know.)
After this, we headed slowly back to the flag area for some substantial Mary. Most of the PAX had stopped exercising around 7:20, but they were kind enough to keep counting while YHC exercised. I felt supported. At least they weren’t playing with sticks around the tree with the 2.0’s, you know–they were laying right there in grass, cheering me on. Every now and then YJ would let out a Monica Seles/Kilmer noise, which required YHC to employ some deft Q maneuvering when female park walkers were in the vicinity, especially during the Afflecks.
YHC gave an update on Yote’s journey, and then we named Fife’s 2.0 Yogi Berra–a catcher with lots to say. Much to pray for this morning with the Texas camp tragedies hitting close to home and a few PAX carrying some heavy crosses. YHC felt deeply blessed to be sharing those crosses in such a concrete way, even if just for a little while each time we get together. This is what makes us miss the guys who hadn’t been out in a while and rejoice when they finally show up again. And, it makes us lean hard on the regulars, depending on their likely presence, and for much more than just a workout. Extremely grateful for this crew!
SYITG,
Goose