PAX: Enron, Fence Post, TeraVanilli, Paradox. Safety Valve, Uncle Cracker, Honeysuckle, White Meat, Popeye, America’s Best
AO: Tuesday Tuff, 09/30/2025
By: America’s Best
While trying to put together some weird songs recently (for no particular reason… forget I mentioned it… look away), YHC came across a banger. It had it all: repeated phrases, a ridiculous premise, and enough techno EDM beats to make Yankee Jeaux feel like a teenager again.
But to fashion beatdown around one song? Is that insane?
Probably. But who cares?
When he hears just part of “Come Sail Away,” Cartman cannot rest until he sings the entire song. And YHC knew that until this beatdown was done, “Test Your Might” would not leave my brain.
Partner up and move through stations, named for your favorite Mortal Kombat pugilists, doing the prescribed number of reps for 2 rounds (round 1, round 2):
1. Kano: Apollo ohnos (25, 15)
2. Johnny Cage: R Balboas 50 (2/1)
3. Liu Kang: Mike Tyson merkins (20, 15)
4. Sub Zero: Dips on benches – (25, 20)
5. Scorpion: Derkins- (25, 20)
6. Raiden : Curls (35, 25)
7. Sonya : Box Jumps/step ups (2:1) – (15, 10)
The partnerships produced deep conversations…
Team HoneyVanilli: astrophysics discussion, as TV desperately tried to get Honeysuckle to reveal what is at the center of the Universe.
Team PopMea… no- Team WhiteEye: Popeye simply smirked through White Meat’s 30-minute Yankee Jeaux impersonation.
Team EnValve: Enron Gave life lessons on how not to break your back. And possibly how to graduate from Platinum to King Ranch.
Team PostDox (“one tuck, one untuck”): Fence Post and Dox apparently were conspiring to cheat the system YHC so beautifully created. Not really their fault, as Dox was busy trying to figure out where White Meat got an Affliction shirt with this new “Grateful Dead” band on it.
Team Uncle Sam: Mainly Uncle Cracker trying to figure out why the architect of this beatdown had to keep looking at the cards and asking, “how many reps?”
Following that nonsense, we all met back at the boom purse for the aforementioned “song.”
The PAX would do imperial walkers throughout, with a star jump on every “Mortal Kombat,” a squat on the mention of any character, and a Man Maker on each “Test Your Might” (originally this was going to just be a burpee, but that didn’t seem might-testing enough).
The next thing: after beating each character into rounds, and then testing our might, it was time to fight the under boss, Goro.
And since he has four arms we would do the four-armed Wheel of Merkins. As Dox said, “looked better on paper.”
The Final boss is Shang Tsung, who can transform into any of those other folks (ok so I did some research), so:
Round 3 – abandon your partner and go through all the stations once more, doing the difference in reps between rounds 1 and 2.
Get back here
To the flag for COT.
SYITG,
AB