PAX: Paradox, Goose, Pope, Honeysuckle, America’s Best, Safety Valve, Maneater, Popeye, Teravanilli, Duke, Jackknife, Bam Bam

AO: The Peltch

By: Goose

T’was the Saturday before Christmas, Yankee Jeaux had the Q,

But, Lil’ Papi and his siblings came down with the flu.

Goose quickly jumped in; he thought it’d be fun,

But decided two heads would be better than one.

So, he asked the good Doxtor if he wanted in,

And, he quickly agreed and said with a grin,

“I’ve got an idea,” his grin turned to a sneer,

“A terrible, awful idea. Listen here,

We’ll ask Christmas questions!” he said with a shout,

“Then have them do reps till their muscles burn out!

Then we’ll run, run, run, run, run! Oh, this they won’t like!

Unless they are injured, then they can ride an old bike.

We’ll wrap cinder blocks, make it feel like surprises,

Then what they read on the cards will bring tears to their eyses!”

“It’s eyes.” (Goose often offered grammatical suggestions),

“But, I love it,” he said, “and I’ve got just the questions.”

So, they got to work building the game they would host,

Remembering that this PAX is smarter than most.

Crafting hard enough questions was their top concern,

Especially with Popeye set to return.

Saturday morning dawned chilly and dark,

And, Goose and his boys met Dox at the park

To set up the blocks, wrapped up in a stack,

Neatly placed at the Dome with gifts stuffed in the back.

Then they walked to the flags to meet the good PAX,

Who were talking and waiting and stretching their backs.

Dox started the warmup there under the tree,

Then Popeye pulled in, making good his HC.

He came without crutches or scooters or braces.

He came without boots, just his shoes with their laces.

He smiled as he walked with just a slight limp,

And we cheered as we greeted the courageous gimp.

Valve pulled in late and lowered his running boards.

(I guess muscle warmers come standard in Platinum Fords.)

They gathered their gear, and to the Dome they all head,

And half-listened as the game’s instructions were read.

The teams were then chosen, the Ones and the Twos,

And it was clear from the outset who’d win and who’d lose.

Some folks’ minds are steel traps,

And Team 1 had more than their share.

But, Team 2 were strong chaps,

So they didn’t care.

They started off strong, those men from Team 2,

And their points started growing, and they grew, and they grew.

They took Dox’s presents, his gloves and lip gloss.

They even came up with “arsenic sauce”.

They took the Dox slippers, gift cards, and bug spray,

They used sticks to poke holes in his gift-wrapped display.

Team 1 got a few, but points given were low.

So, their point total stubbornly refused to grow.

But, both teams had to do the same number of reps,

And both teams had to run the same number of steps.

They blocked and they beared and they cranked out their merks;

They wore themselves out ’til their squats looked like twerks.

But, the fires of competition made the time go by fast.

There were plenty more questions, but the fun couldn’t last,

So they ran to the spot where the shovel flag was,

And they went through the rest of the questions, just cuz.

After count-off and name-off, announcements, and prayer,

They took a pic to make YJ wish he were there.

One their way out the lot, Goose called with a boom,

“Merry Christmas to all! I’ll see you in the gloom!”