PAX: Honeysuckle, Roxbury, Safety Valve, America’s Best

AO: The Lions Den, 2/28/26

By: America’s Best

There was so much Pauly Shore hype. And it was mostly my fault. You see, I had recently discovered that Yankee Jeaux hates The Weasel, so of course I had been barraging him with Pauly Shore gifs.

Apparently his revenge was to hype the Shore grindage for his beatdown, then duck out and make me take the Pauly Q. Never have I had my gig taxed so hardcore by such a hard-core cruster.

I had saved a thing for February because it incorporated a bit of running.
My original plan, inspired by a rotary dial phone, was:

10 stations set up around the Civic Center, each with exercises assigned to it.

Run to station 1, do exercise, nur back and do 15 curls . Then run to next #, repeato until you hit all the numbers.

The stations:

1. 10 burpees
2. 20 mike Tyson merkins
3. 30- Dips
4. 40 BBS
5. 50 imperial squat walkers
6. 60 Wheezy Jeffersons
7. 70 chill cut Peter Parker’s
8. 80 LBCs
9. 90 SSH
10. 0 nothin Or one tower of power

First modification I had to make was to move the dips to station 2 (because the entire civic center has outdoor seating for exactly 2 people). This meant 30 Mike Tyson Merkins instead of 20, which was met with much celebration.

The second modification I had to make was due to the aforementioned heavy Pauly Shore hype.
The circular design of this beatdown led me to the Pauli Exclusion Principle, in which no two electrons can occupy the same valence shell unless they have opposite spin. Or something like that… it’s been awhile since that was first planted in my brain.
Anyway, instead of individual effort, we would partner up and each partner would oppose the work of the other; while one man did the exercise, the other would alternately hold Al Gore, plank, and chill cut plank. Then they would switch places before nurring back to the start.
Best I could do to wheeze the juice short notice, bu-ddy.
If you’re edged ’cause I’m weazin all your grindage, just chill.

SYITG,

AB