PAX: Goose, Pope, Wet Tap, Honeysuckle, Safety Valve, Paradox, America’s Best

AO: Tuesday Tuff, 10/28/2025

By: America’s Best

YHC decided on a Cool Hand Luke theme and showed up a little early to set out cones for the

Chain Gang Grinder:

Which was planned to be
10 manmakers
Run to 1st cone, do 5 burpees, nur back
20 OHP
Run to 2nd cone, do 4 burpees, nur
30 Coupon Presses
Run to 3rd cone, do 3 burpees, nur
40 Merkins
Run to 4th cone, do 2 burpees, nur
50 curls
Run to 5th cone, do 1 burpee, nur

Because the grass was wet and also full of light bulbs, each of the running to cones was replaced by a lap. This thing was great because it seemed like it took a lot of time but apparently it didn’t?

Next thang: a song.

Hold plank, merkin every “law.”

Trivia to take 10 sec off per correct answer.

What put Luke in jail?

What’s Luke’s last name?

What is the name of the “leader” in the prison?

Paradox tried hard to act like he wasn’t up all night researching the answers.

“Parking meters? Cutting up parking meters?” he questioned, as if this could just be a wild guess.

“Uh.. Jackson maybe? Johnson? No, I’ll go with Jackson.”

“Drag-something… dragline? Dragnet? Ok, Dragline.”

No, like Paul Newman, he wasn’t winning any awards for this performance. Patient care and family matters took a back-burner to IMDB but you gotta respect the commitment, which paid off. With all 3 questions correct, we got to eliminate the final 30 seconds of Billy Joe Armstrong repeating “I fought the law and the law won” 8 more times (that’s 16 merkins but who’s counting?)

The next thang:

Nobody can eat 50 eggs

As we all know, the biceps and triceps are commonly known as “the eggs of the arms.”

So we would be doing 50 reps of curls and of dips. The thing about eating 50 eggs (as Wet Tap can tell you) is that the first 10-20 are no problem, but it gets more and more difficult as you get closer to 50 (Tap says around 38-39 he starts to feel it). So we slowed our tempo every 10 reps, ending the last 10 reps of each exercise on a 5-count.

The Final Thang: The Prison Yard Fight

Luke gained the respect of Dragline (and by proxy the rest of the prisoners) because no matter how many times he got knocked down, he got up again. Of course, YHC had the perfect song for this.

But “American Honky Tonk Bar Association” wasn’t available because Garth Brooks is not on Spotify, so I had to settle for Tubthumping.

A cover version by They Might Be Giants seemed timely. The PAX did SSH, with a Burpee each “I get knocked down.”

Sometime before we began this, an astronomical event occurred behind YHC that caused a slight time dilation.

As we finished the song, Dox and Goose agreed that there should be no way we had 3 minutes left.

Luckily, this song was about 3 minutes long, so by repeating this thang once more, I believe we realigned the time-space continuum. Good work, men.

STITG,

AB