PAX: Popeye, Yankee Jeaux, Maneater, Fence Post, Pipe Layer, TeraVanilli, Goose, Paradox, Honeysuckle, Excel, America’s Best
AO: The Lions Den, 09-18-2025
By: America’s Best
We started with standard warmama, but suspicion loomed. Someone: “did anyone notice… Is there any reason all of the reps were odd numbers?”
Well, no, not really.
The first thing:
Tuesday Dox tortured us again with some song that maybe had 3 to 6 words in it (I parked-lake-Santa Fe). Every time I hear that song the Weird Al classic “this song is just six words long” sets up shop in my brain for 2-3 days. And so I decided to torture everyone with that. We held plank with a Merkin every time we heard the word “word” Shoulder taps on the word “over.”
The main Thang:
(But first, the soundtrack, inspired by disgust and contempt:
YHC had an epiphany the other day, realizing that the collective unconscious hatred of Creed is natural, just, and appropriate.
Those of us who actually had pubes in the 90s liked Creed the first time we heard them… when they were called Pearl Jam, Alice In Chains, Stone Temple Pilots, Nixon, Oleander, Days of the New, Silverchair, 7Mary3, and several others between 1991-1997.
Decades earlier, the sound created by the Rolling Stones and the Beatles led to the success of the Monkees. And the Motown greats gave way to the California raisins. It was only a matter of time before the guttural moaning grunge of the 90s produced its own charicature. Enter Creed.
The remainder of the beatdown would be a simple Lonely Dora. Why? Because Creed is best enjoyed solo, by oneself. The only way it’s enjoyed more is if no one is listening to it.
The work:
Earlier in the summer, my Instagram algorithm offered a weekly plan of exercises to get in shape:
Day 1 :
55 mountain climbers (2:1)
55 leg raises
55 butt kicks (2:1)
55 merkins
Day 2 :
40 air squats
40 dips
40 merkins
40 Freddy Mercurys (2:1)
Day 3:
35 SSH
35 High knees (2:1)
35 merkins
35 scissor kicks (2:1)
But we are better than that, so I figured we could do all of that in one day.
And I threw in MOT – between the sets of 55, bear crawl between sidewalks.
Between the sets of 40, flying nuns.
Between the sets of 35, mosey to tree line and back.
And, go ahead and run a lap around the Civic Center between “days.”
A few of us finished with about five minutes left, so we had just enough time for “There’s No Wheezy way out.” After YHC’s standard explanation of what a Weezy Jefferson is, we would hold 6 inches and do a Weezy Jefferson every time we heard the phrase “no Wheezy.”
10 seconds was taken off for each correct answer in the trivia category “Scott Stapp collaborations.”
Yankee Jeaux was proud to proclaim that not only did T.I. save Stapp‘s life after an attempted suicide by gravity, he will also be appearing at the Acadia music Fest! (Yankee Jeaux must have signed on to yet another steering committee).
There were several guesses as to which band Stapp got into a fight with … but no one remembered it was 311.
And nobody wanted to believe it, but I think it was Popeye and Goose who revealed that Stapp was in that sex video with Kid Rock. (Never meet your heroes, Maneater).
So 2/3… we would shave 20 seconds off of our Wheezy Jeffersons. Which were, of course, performed gloriously in perfect form by all.
COT and Goose prayed us out.
SYITG,
AB