PAX: Goose, Maneater, ANA, Wilford Montana, Paradox

AO: The Stage

By: Goose

After almost a week away, YHC was needing to get back to the gloom, and there’s no better way to get things moving again than to put yourself in complete control of every detail. This meant signing up for 3 out of the 4 Q’s this week, respecting only the Suckle Manniversary.

Day 1 (today) would be a return to and improvement upon the Excite Bike beatdown from a couple of weeks ago, including (hopefully) a fully posted backblast. Maneater committed his quality bike (and himself in the process, for better or for worse), and after a few minutes at the Stage, it seemed like it might be just the two of us cruising the Loop like Jon and Ponch from CHIPS. But, ANA pulled in, and YHC’s brain was working hard to try to figure out how to do this with only three men when Tana pulled in (having been goaded out of his pickleball lethargy in the way that only Paradox can). The good doctor eventually showed, as well, avoiding what would have been weeks of brutal browbeating from Tana if he’d have fartsacked.

After a much needed warmup, we moseyed/rode over to Camp Desolation–the first big intersection on the loop (where Valve and others have regularly sapped our will to live). While pairing up and explaining the Thang, YHC realized we’d need another bike to make the numbers work and give everyone an equal experience of suffering. So, we moseyed/rode back to the truck where YHC pulled out the backup bike (loaded for extenuating circumstances). Hence, the Ballad of Old/Big/Lil’/My Boy Blue was officially begun.

Old Blue is a Wal-Mart special that looks like a 10-speed bike with sweet suspension, but is ultimately a 1-speed bike (the only one that works) that weighs about 220 pounds and feels every crack in the road. High praise was heaped onto YJ’s Cannondale (lent to YHC) and Maneater’s Giant, but Big Blue was the true difference maker this morning. It’s not actually big, sized for about a 12-year-old, which made Tana look like Deebo from the Friday movie (knees up around his ears, but still scary). But, it was thanks to Lil’ Blue that we discovered that the last straightaway of the loop is actually a pretty nasty uphill. Cannondale couldn’t have shown us that–it just glided effortlessly over the finish line. And, it was thanks to My Boy Blue that our quads will be French Horn sized tomorrow. Old Blue kept the competition level high and the ego low.

Here’s how it went down:
Each team of two (Team DoxEater and Team T-ANA; YHC swapped back and forth) competed to complete more reps of each round’s exercise before both the opposite team’s members biked their loops. Partner 1 rode one loop while Parner 2 cranked out reps, then they switched and Partner 2 picked up the reps until the 2nd member of the opposing team made it around. This gave incentive for the bikers to go as fast as possible to reduce the opposing team’s rep time, and it allowed everyone to do every exercise and ride every round.
Everyone had to rotate usage of the bikes–this made Big Blue the super villain, the unavoidable Mike Tyson ready to take another bite out of your quads for revealing his weaknesses.

Rounds:
-Merkins
-Freddy Mercurys
-Mahktars
-WWI Situps
-Toe-taps (plank position, reach through and touch opposite toe)

After the toe-taps, ANA was quick to point out that time was running short, so we headed back to the flag for COT. It was here that Tana realized that YHC was wearing a WHOOP. The ensuing conversation is documented here without edits:

Tana: Is that a WHOOP??

Goose: Yeah, it’s supposed to be the newest, most up-to-date way to monitor your fitness and get unique insights into your health and lifestyle.

Paradox: I’m not really into wasting time and energy on new fads–we’ll see if it’s still around after a few months.

Goose: We could do it as a community! It would be a great opportunity to stay connected and push each other to the next level.

Paradox: Nobody cares about anyone else’s daily fitness performance. Wouldn’t affect me in the least.

Goose: But it provides so much data. There’s this algorithm thing called Strain…

Tana: I got a FitBit already. It tells me everything I need to know without an expensive subscription. You’re wasting your money.

(Cardinal happened to be driving by and pulled in to say hello.)

Cardinal: Is that a WHOOP? That’s a marketing ploy, a cash grab. You’ve been deceived, Goose. You’re a gullible idiot.

Goose: Whatever, guys. You’ll see. #WHOOPstrong

SYITG,
Goose