PAX: Goose, Pope, AB, Valve, HS, Tana, YJ, Tv, Maneater, white meat, Popeye
AO: Lions Den
By: Paradox
St John’s Place
4/17/2025
7:02am
A Real Doctor:
So how was fafafa..woah!
Are you aware you have a huge scrape on your shoulder?
Web MD :
Tis flesh wound dear, nobody makes me bleed my own blood.
RealDoc:
*Scoff noises
(temperature drops in room)
WebMD: Ok ok! maybe I blacked out and tackled Maneater cus he sat on my coupon in defiance during the coupon battle.
I’m not proud of it.
RealDoc:
(slowly nodding)
Ahhhh there it is.
So your Holy Thursday Grungapalooza Mosh Pit BD didn’t bring the house down??
(feined devastation)
WebMD:
Well maybe you missed the part where we were suplexing each other for 30 pounds of cinder ? It’s fine but look , Valve stabbed someone with a trident. We told him to lay low for a while.
RealDoc:
Buttt did anyone’s ears get cut off?
WebMD: No, Nickleback was last week , remember.
*whispers
Never made it as a wise man….
RealMD: please! No!
I thought you did therapy for the Nickleback stuff…you and AB worked it out with Soul Bronchitis right?
Anywayyyy , well the kids needs breakfast and the baby needs a new diaper ….
YHC: Yea I mean exactly! AB thought it was over with his little 90s rock ivory tower combination casitone and circles. He wasn’t ready for his own grungy medicine. He never saw it coming and the BlackHole Sun opener was a tough call with Suckles 10k career on the line but if you want AB to eat an omelette you gotta break a few of his friends!
RealDoc:
Cricket chirps *
Righttttt you do know some guys just wake up and run by themselves for exercise….
WebMD:
Gross.
Yea and Popeye told me those same guys wore Jncos and chain wallets in high school too.
RealDoc: Is he the snarky one, Bruce or Tommy?? Does it matter?
So who else was there today.
Wait I’ll guess them:
Wipe Me, Smoothie King, Dookie, Jonathan , Dilly Bar, Yankee Meat ?
WebMD: yup. Nailed It.
RealDoc: I hesitate to even wade deeper but how did a vacant lot cinder block melee with some of our fellow parishioners even register as Holy Thursday adjacent?
WebMD: *jBL spontaneously turns on in the background and starts playing “ Can’t Stop”
I thought you’d never ask!
Duke!! Throw that coupon in the ditch , this isn’t your garden!!
Roll the footage!
Warm Up
YHC moseyed up to the den after some pre bd time trials to find 12 pax loitering around truck beds hoping YHC would call them off and offer light cardio. Alas, you can’t press olives without a few stones.
YHC was then informed that ManEater and his Joey had fled the scene due to an incoming crikey down under. Goose placing this as a priority 1A reminder so I wouldn’t forget for the backblast is just another next level leadership move.
Standard warming ensued and an appropriately scattered Coup Mosey to the Garden got us moving.
Holy Thursday
Lots of moving parts leading up to Christs Cruxifiction.
Volumes written for this single day could fill up a Yankee Jeaux event trash bag. And YHC ernt exactly no skolar to wrote more on it. Sonthis day we would just focus on the Garden.
First order of business was peace. The tension was palpable as the pax waited on a rebuttal to what was clearly a weaponized Soul Coughing beatdown on Tuesday.
AB made his statement simple. If the Nickleback continues there will be bottomless obscure 90s strangeness coming and foxholes were just the beginning. Did he know that YHCs deepest pet peeve is having wet grass repeatedly amongst my previously cozy armpits?? Of course he did. YHC did tinker with a few revenge ideas: a fear factor beatdown where AB has to taste artisan AND non artisan breads blindfolded , there was also 2010 to present day Nickelback to consider….
Nay! The buck stops here.
With this days theme YHC wanted to offer an olive branch and save innocent bystanding pax (plus maybe the lc guys will come more often if we have a normal bd)
YHC acknowledged that he had been in one too many musical tet a tets and with the Phill Collins restraining orders still fresh at Bishops Ct it was time to blaze a new path.
So,
To anyone who had there feelings hurt by Nickleback:
I’m sorry you hate living life to the full, the American dream and prolly puppies and old people.
Thank you for attending my apology Ted Talk.
Moving on.
This playlist is yet another step toward healing, it’s all 90s grunge and appropriate for a time in Holy Week full of melancholic vibes.
Every year we can put ourselves in the disciples shoes and feel the chaos of the triduuum. You can feel the shifting of emotions and air being sucked out of the room when Jesus announces one of the twelve will betray him. Leading up to Holy Thursday I would have definitely been thinking “ well sure he said all the stuff about prophecy but look around, The crowd loves him, we are at a great dinner together, this will be a great weekend right? “
Then it’s like Samuel Jackson shows up to throw the lever in Isla Nubar.
Hold onto your Butts!
GRUNGE that Thang
YHC dialed up Black hole Sun to set the vibe.
Coupon Skips on song
Jump Squats on BlackHole Sun
Nothing better than that moment when the pax know some beyond average pain is coming and there’s silent acceptance (and maybe just a touch of that Joker yelling at the 18wheeler feeling)
A mumble or two about the Q needing therapy, a few neck cracks , Smooths legendary Ok, Goose usually does a combo self love and high knee thing before his pupils fully constrict.
Then it’s go time.
Wait Here and Pray
Round 1- Goblet Squats
Father Let this cup pass
P1 run to end of road from garden gravel lot
P2- WW3 sit-ups
Take total seconds , subtract your WW3/ and split between the two for GS reps.
Ex.
So 120 seconds , you did 20 ww3 , split 100 gs and do 50 each
Repeato with other partner running.
Round 2-OHP (modify to Curls)
Agony in the Garden
-same as R1 but if you beat your initial number on the run you can double the partners reps that you take off.
P2 does WW3 sit-ups
JBL laid out some classic grunge that was a little heavy on the SoundGarden while the pax hit it hard, battled ants and between 10 counts recalled the golden era of late 90s video game soundtracks.
YHC wanted this first Thang to simulate a common response when we are burdened by Gods will for our life or a tough task with lots of variables.
How long? How heavy ?
how much?
Look what I have already done!
But look at my circumstances!
What can I get credit for?
Its a common mental loop that has played in YHCs brain many times. But you end up calculated, preserved, and firmly tethered to the “I still have my plan “ safety net. But also with the spiritual content of eating a Big Mac.
But then there’s Jesus answer to the chalice…
Final Thang
The Great Battle of Coupon Gallatica
YHC, at breakneck speed to avoid any pre meditated crews, labeled 1 vs 2s .
The rules would be minimal , the rewards unclear, and the boundaries hazy at best.
Sound like your day to day ?
We Line up facing each other.
1 coupon per man.
10 merks , 10 squats , 5 burpees is the buy in then your only objective is to steal a coupon and return the coupon to your side.
Most coups at the end wins.
You wouldn’t know if the teams were even (they weren’t ) , you wouldn’t know if the coupons were evenly distributed (again no), or if a coupon be defended, you wouldn’t know how many cycles you had to complete to win or when time would be called.
You simply were given a mission and accept it with the crew and talents that were given.
And that’s when the grace really starts to flow, when the olive is pressed.
The competition was fierce and instead of belly aching about being out numbered and under couponed Team 1 immediately started grinding. Sacrificing shoulder muscles to maintain coupon possessions and a few were seen walking in soul circles as defense.
The effort, drive and creativity were all there and flowed freely without calculating.
Just when we think the walls are closing in God provides and the results are always beyond anything you could have conjured up on our own.
We wrapped it with a Double merkin burpee finisher to “Can’t Stop” and back to the flag.
Announcements and intentions for many incoming 2.0s
Popeye prayed us out
Epilogue
Fleischer Ringo: :
*pacing in the gloom by the Oak tree in rich man’s loop as he sees a gmc truck loaded with diaper boxes and scrap iron approaching
I didn’t think he had it in him.
Wyatt Jurp :
*the professor rolls down the window
I’m your Huckleberry.
Fleischer Ringo: *surprised to see Jeaux step from the truck as he expected to face Dox on a Bluetooth duel to settle the score
W Jurp: Why Doctah Mitchell you look like you’ve seen a ghost.
*he adjusts his Rip Toned straps
Ringo: Fights not with you Jeaux , this is about Silver Side Up and Darkhorse.
You know what he did.
Dox has to pay.
W Jurp: I beg to differ , we started a song we never got to finish. And now it’s legal…
*shows Form police badge
Ringo:
*makes arthritis noises from his hip
Alright let’s dance
*They beginning circling one another eyes locked …both a single lightning twitch muscle away from the play button on their phone hip holsters
…Say When
Ringo is fast to the button but Jurp is lightning personified . Trained by years of GroupMe rapid snark response, his musical bullet is deadly accurate.
Justin Beibers “Baby” enters Ringos brain and all his alt rock neurons spasm simultaneously.
He’s reeling but he’s been to enough Hookah lounges to have neurologic reserve. Down to one knee he looks up at Jurp.
Ringo: it didn’t have to be like this Jeaux ….dox dissed the pumpkins …I had no choice.
Jurp : Why did you ignore the Hot 100 rankings ? People like music cus it makes them feel a certain way. It’s not all art, sometimes it’s pizza and tacos and it’s catchy. Just let it go.
Ringo: NEVER
*he hits the play button revealing his duel song …
*Haddaways “What is Love” slowly builds as Ringo lays down for his last wheezy Jefferson
Jeaux come close …
*struggles to speak
Tell dox…
*coughs blood
Tell dox …Panera is still garbage
*stares into the gloom
*softly whispers his last words ..
Never…made …it …as a wise man..
Jurp :
*Flips a nickel in the dirt by his body.
Keep the change
SYITG
Dox