PAX: Goose, Pope, Americas Best, HoneySuckle, Safety Valve, Popeye, Maneater, Montana, Texaco Cat

AO: Tuesday Tuff- 4/8/2025

By: Paradox

Friends, PAX, Countrymen, lend me your ears.
YHC came to respectfully bury Nickelback, not to praise them.
But with great power comes great responsibility
And if they say a hero needs saving, I’m not gonna stand here and wait.

The year is 2005. I’m in a Ford Bronco II with my friends heading to the lake. The Bronco only cost me $500 from a police auction but the Pioneer audio system and homemade 5 gallon bucket with an air tight Kicker 12 cost me an entire summer of cutting grass and lifeguarding. But it’s the price you want to pay when you need to properly blast “How You Remind Me” with potential lady suitors listening. I promise you cannot drink enough Surge to equal that high. On the way we stopped at the gas station and what’s playing inside you ask? You guessed it, ole Chad K is belting out “Someday”. Righteous, rock on brother. Then we show up at the lake party and what’s that coming from the Aiwa 5-CD disc changer? Its Mr. Krueger again with “Rockstar”, life is good. And of course the seniors that year unanimously selected “Photograph” as their Senior Song, I’m sure Goose even has a yearbook somewhere with a burned copy of Silver Side Up hidden in it.

But I’m guessing you already knew most of this because if you grew up in or around this time you also know Nickelback in the mid 2000s had greater airwave content than oxygen (and pretty close to nitrogen). But then a funny thing happens.

Around 2009 YHC (now, wondering through college) witnesses a DJ put on the opening of “How You Remind Me” as a …I’m sorry, there’s still pain….as a ..JOKE!. Bewildered, I staggered to the men’s room to compose myself and a friend explained that the Internet had not just killed Nickelback, but put them into a fugue zombie like state of forever memefied reincarnation. Like Han Solo in carbon freeze but with frosted tips. And I’ll stop you right there because look, I’m not saying Nickelback set the world ablaze with their music. I’m not talking about Nirvana/Metallica level of generational music that no one would ever confuse. I wouldn’t even be mad if you absent mindedly swapped them with Seether, Staind, Creed or dare I say 3 Doors Down. But its always felt wrong just idly standing by while they are burned at the stake for …checks notes…making lots money from garbage lyrics? I’m no AB or Popeye level of Behind the Music historian but even YHC knows they weren’t the first offenders of this crime. Powerless to save another cultural icon of my youth YHC stewed over a solution for years while Nickelback pumped out meaningless album after meaningless album. Like the Walking Dead barn zombies, they needed a proper funeral. Someone to say a few nice words, maybe do a merkin or two, maybe even post those Billboard Hot 100 stats one last time…and that’s where we start this Tuesday Tuff.

Duke!! Stop crimping your fur into waves, you still don’t look like Chad Kruger!!

A solid group of Tuesday Tuff regulars assembled despite knowing there would be musical and physical pain to deal with. We got warmed up with most of the usuals then moseyed into the bowels of Rich Mans loop with a little “Hero” tune up. YHC knew all Honeysuckle needed was 30 seconds of this song and he would already have the answer, Spiderman, loaded up for later with facts like Toby Maguire, Kirsten Dunst and the first Best Kiss VMA award waiting in the wing if needed. You can’t bring knives to this trivia gun fight.
We arrived at Safety Valves Place (on the corner of Pain and Regret) and YHC unveiled his recent discovery that would be the crux of this beatdown investigation: Do Nickelbacks themes, lyrics and even the tone of Chad Kruegers angst (and lingering bronchitis?) strike the exact same chords of the parable of the Prodigal Son. The message, surely not. But the tone, the emotion, the raw regret. It started when I pulled out Rockstar and realized it wasn’t just the one song that parallel but the entire body of work. Pain, Distractions, Relationships, Henna tats (apocryphal) , Jealousy. Its ALL their man! Wrapped up in a formulaic hit making, money printing Canadian machine.

Don’t take my word for it, Let’s look closer:

THE THANG
A series of Jack Webb’s with intermingled running and trivia for maximum burn while we worked our way through the discography of Nickelback and tested YHCs theory: Was Nickelbacks true meaning to create a musical companion to this Gospel parable of the Prodigal son???

THE ROCKSTAR SON

YHC informed the pax that like most 18-25 year olds I had big plans back in the day, and just like the prodigal son those plans vaguely involved lots of money and a bathrooms you could play baseball in. So the son takes the inheritance leaves home and sets out to become a ROCKSTAR.
We started with 1 Merkin/2 Air Raises and progressed with 10 M/20AR with hopes of descending the latter. The effort was strong and most pax were headed down the ladder when YHC called it at 4 minutes.

We then took off for a Indian Run with a Backwards Carolina Dry Dox drop off to signify the sons decisions starting to settle in as he saw his family slowly disappearing and YHC hammered the point home with “Photograph”.

SOMEBODIES BROTHER

Next, we covered the brother in the parable. YHC never considered his role much but one of the great things about Sacred Scripture is the everchanging way it can speak to you in different seasons of your life. Stuck home all these years you can see where some resentment might have grown for this brother. Fast forwarding a touch in the story here but when the son does return, we see even more of the brothers’ heart and possibly in our own. He’s done all the things, checked all the boxes, stayed home, worked the farm, been loyal and obedient but still not able to truly be seen by his father as he hangs on to his OWN goals, ideals, plans. He’s throwing his own pity party that paired fantastically with Nickelbacks “Somebody” so we listened and completed Jack Webb #2 with Big Brother sit ups and Leg Raises while we stayed grounded at home.

BACK to the SON- Are We Having Fun Yet?

As you might have expected at this point for the son it was indeed the bottom of the ninth and the son was never going to win, he didn’t find fortune and fame from haircuts or name changes and his life didn’t turn out quite the way he wanted it to be. He didn’t make it as a wise man, doesn’t want to be a poor man stealing (from pig slop), and he’s tired of blind ambition. He’s going over the conversation he may have to have with his father. He knows its not like him to say sorry, knows he was waiting on a different story but he’s also been down the bottom of every bottle and he’s ready to hand his father his broken heart.

Jack Webb Finale: Jump Squats/Bonnie Blairs

Indian Run w LBC drop to Back Corner Lot

RUN TO THE FATHER

Finally we swallowed our pride and set out for home.
P1 5 burpees and sprint to catch P2 who was in a Nur home.
We made it to the flag with some treacherous nurring into traffic and setup for a burnout.

Matt Maher “Run to Father” as YHC presented the pax with the sweet gift : any song that was not Nickelback.
Leg Burnout with Tipper Gores on the Song and Jump Squats on run/father.

The Grace and lactic acid were both sufficient.

Maneater Prayed us out.

THIS IS HOW YOU REMIND ME

Every year this parable of the prodigal son reminds YHC of the depth of Christs forgiveness. Because as we read this parable and consider the different roles, we see this “return of the son” happen just one time. But, as noted in the final song, we immediately can see that our own sin is not a one-time affair but that we must run to the Father again and again as we strive to grow like Him. A reminder that we are not made in images of a Rockstar, not meant to be our own Heroes, nor just Somebody, but that we are in fact beloved Sons and Daughters He considers worthy of this repeated rescue… again, and again and again.
This is how He reminds us.

Hope you enjoyed today’s musical exploration.

If not, maybe you left with a sweet burn in your quads.

Unfortunately, there won’t be any refunds.

But at least you got your Nickelback.

SYITG,
Dox