PAX: Goose, Paradox, Lil Cuz, Wet Tap, Yankee Joe, Maneater, Honeysuckle, Pope, Coyote, Bam Bam, Duke, Daisy Duke, Jacknife, Cardinal, Superfun(d), Fence Post, Splinter, Ralph, Defrost, Wet Works, Wormer, Carnie

AO: The Eagle’s Nest

By: Goose

YHC (Your Humble Correspondent) pulled into an already crowded parking lot filled with Thibodaux guys who were excited that this was finally happening and Morgan City guys who were doing their best to look like they were excited that this was finally happening while shooting sideways glances at each other. Cardinal stood like a red-headed beacon of confidence, a clear sign to his men that this is exactly where they were supposed to be, on a Saturday morning, with a bunch of random dudes who were a little too excited to see each other. And, that’s when the foreign language started a-flowin’, a language that would usher in a culture both alien and yet, somehow familiar to these FNG’s in a strange, sweaty, pukey sort of way.

YHC gathered the PAX (F3 participants) into a circle at 7:00am sharp for an explanation of the what, how, and why of what was about to occur, and then led a warmup of the following: SSH (side straddle hops), windmills, imperial walkers, tie fighters, cherry pickers, and self-love. This was when the FNG’s were first introduced to mumblechatter and disruptive behavior, and they slipped right into it as if they’d been dissing Yankee Joe for years. YHC is pretty sure the puking started around the imperial walkers.

The first Thang was a basic Indian Run around the block. The large number of PAX necessitated three lines. Each man, as he reached the end of his line, would run up to the front and take over as leader in turn. The three lines stayed neat and tidy for about three seconds, per usual, and PAX were running every which way with 2.0’s (kids) trying not to get trampled. At some point, someone may have puked on one of the neighborhood dogs.

Upon our return to the flag area, YHC explained that we’d be partaking in another classic routine, the ol’ 4 Corners, also at times known as the 7 of Diamonds, in the field between the parking lot and the rectory. The PAX would run between the corners completing the following exercises:
1st Corner: 7 burpees
2nd: 7 burpees, 14 Big Boy Sit-Ups (full situps)
3rd: 7 burpees, 14 BBSU, 21 jump squats
4th: 7 burpees, 14 BBSU, 21 jump squats, 28 Freddy Mercurys (bicycles)

This routine is always harder than it looks on paper, and this time was no exception. We may have traced a solid rectangle around the field with puke. Sorry, Cardinal!

YHC then led a mosey to the front of the church for some partner work. The PAX was instructed to choose a partner in the typical prom/Sadie Hawkins fashion, though they weren’t sure what particular skills or body type to pursue since YHC hadn’t explained what we’d be doing yet. I was busy tracking down a couple of FNG’s who hadn’t yet offered all of their bodys’ fluids at the feet of the Mary statue.
Once partners were chosen, YHC explained that while one Partner stayed in front of the church doing bench jump-overs (two hands on the bench, jump legs over back and forth–easy, right, Lil’ Cuz?) Partner 2 would run to the front of the gym and shimmy the length of the hand rails with hands on one rail and feet on the other before running back and switching with Partner 1. After each partner took a turn shimmying, they’d repeat the process replacing jump-overs with irkins (incline merkins). Since wall space was limited, the PAX had to really cozy up to one another, making a particular effort to avoid looking each other in the eye. Some of the taller PAX, in an effort at charity, loudly warned the shorter PAX that they might not be able to reach the bars. Not sure how that played out, but YHC did witness a few PAX charitably helping some flower-delivery ladies by carefully puking into each of the flower pots they were carrying into the church for the upcoming funeral.

Once this was completed, the PAX moseyed back to the flag for one more Thang, another classic song routine called “Chumbaburpee”. The PAX would do side straddle hops for the duration of the song “Tubthumping” by Chumbawumba and a burpee on every “I get knocked down, but I get up again.” (There are a lot.) The field received a second coat of stomach contents, and we circled up for some “Mary” (core exercises to finish out the time). We did the following exercises to cram 7-minute abs into the remaining 6 minutes: LBC’s (lil’ baby crunches), flutter kicks, wife pleasers (hip bridges), and J-Lo’s (low plank, hips to the ground right/left). We were saved by the church bell at 8:00 and circled up for COT (Circle of Trust).

The count-off and name-off of such a strong group was celebrated by a synchronized volley of pukage. The naming of the FNG’s went off with uncharacteristic speed and cleverness (mostly ‘cuz of Dox), and a strong foundation of Morgan City F3 HIMs (High Impact Men) emerged, ready to experience massive growth and bring about the inevitable revitalization of their community. They are: Ralph, Defrost, Wormer, Wet Works, and Carnie, led by the veteran, Cardinal. YHC can’t wait to see the unique flavor this Morgan City crew brings to F3 in South Louisiana, and we look forward to supporting them and the multitude who join them in the coming years!

SYITG (See You in the Gloom),
Goose