PAX: AB, HS, Maneater , Valve
AO: Stage
By: Paradox
Fleming found Penicillin.
Pasteur, his theory on the germ.
And Edward Jenner, a small but not so inconsequential Pox.
Giants in the field of medical discovery, these men forever changed world history with the power of observation. But have the days of scientific enlightenment faded into mush brained algorithms? What else is out there waiting to be uncovered? It could be right next to you. The next miracle of medicine could be sitting In your bougie Rouse bag , seen on your platinum commute or even skipping right beside you in a free men’s workout.
Our story begins with a young rural physician cast aside by his colleagues for his struggles with the English language and struggling to make a name for himself as he slowly unveils a severe neurocognitive disorder amongst his peers:
Journal Entry
Spring 2022- The Stage
My second Q
…I put a jump rope in a circuit today. The pax called me carrot top for bringing so much gear then
Ronnie kept skipping the jump station and when pressed on it, he got all sweaty and said jump ropes were for Edward Jones investors. I silently noted both. Oh and That Yankee Bob guy showed up again, guess he’s a regular.
Journal Entry
Summer 2023
Planning for SV500
…after the bd I suggested a jump rope station for the event and silence descended upon the group…then someone suggested man makers and it was generally agreed upon to be safer and more light hearted exercise. . Curious.
Fall of 23
Iron Pax
Death by skinny Runner
Pre- Bd: Ok this is it. This is the unbiased test I have been looking for to clench this diagnosis. The rope jumping is imbedded in the bd and will take the pax by surprise so I can see how well they perform….
Post bd after several cars ended up in the bayou seeing us jump rope in public:
this is worse than I feared
Diagnosis confirmed :
It’s a full blown pandemic of the…
JUMPS
Jump-Rope Uncoordinated Male Paralysis Syndrome
How deep did it go, how many are suffering in silence ? What can be done in the face of such dysfunction.
For years I gathered more data and patiently waited for the right day for a experimental treatment…
…and hopefully a cure.
Warmup
4 test subjects present at the stage lab. They sauntered in with fresh vacation and mission trip legs. Maneater, ever confident we would be listening to 45 minutes of Van Halen, AB looking for any signs of Nickleback gear so he could burn eco friendly rubber.
YHC went heavy on leg warmup to look for early weaknesses.
SSH- Tie Fighters- pigeon stretch – butterfly stretch- calf toe touch
Self love and a lil mosey before the true test was revealed.
Overview:
We would alternate between jumping rope and something else with a high suck factor to see if the JUMPS could be shocked out of one’s nervous system.
The Protocol:
Jump Rope 90 seconds
Goblet depth charge 10 reps
(Low slow coupon squat)
Jump Rope 60 seconds
Goblet Depth Charge 7
Jump Rope 30 seconds
goblet depth charge 5
For ease of handling I’ll henceforth denote this lovely protocol as Goblet Death Rope TM. (GDR)
This is Followed by a Jump related trigger Song or Jump related trivia to make sure the pax muscular and neural networks were all fried evenly.
Trivia 1:
Ron Shelton Directed this 1992 Classic following the partners ship of the main characters Billy Hoyle and Sidney Dean.
(White Men Can’t Jump)
-answered in unison without hesitation.
Song 3 min
Kriss Kross “Jump”
Hold plank – plank Jax on jump
merkin on Mac daddy
GDR
Trivia 2:
Although more recently known for its movie adaptations this original Police drama airing from 1987-1991
(21 jump street)
Maneater has Johnny drops career meticulous catalogued and didn’t even need the year. I think he was just ready for more GDR.
GDR
Song 3 min
Van Halen Jump
Star Jump on jump
Step ups on song
GDR
Trivia 3:
4 Olympic jumping events
-high, long, triple, pole vault
Final GDR
Results
4 rounds GDR with neural checks in between resulted in mostly mumbles about “what happen to mobility day” and my long term plans for Monday Qs.
The pax persevered and No complete losses noted as the pax devoured the trivia like Joey Chestnut at Nathan’s.
The most interesting of findings though, had to do with the JUMPS themselves. Under extreme pressure presented by the choice of rope or GDR…the disease state mutated into 4 distinct subtypes displayed by the 4 pax enrolled in the study . To keep our test subjects confidential I’ll randomly assign two letters to each type observed.
AB JUMPS
This subtype has the pre existing NoCalvesatall and starts out as nothing you would recognize as jumps , or legs, or human but as the pressure intensified the elasticity of the neurons increased, steadily showing improvement until something near exercise prevailed. A deep intestinal fortitude exists in the individual overcoming this level of JUMPS.
ME JUMPS
The pure psychiatric subtype of JUMPS, exhibited complete dissociation that the jump rope even exists. Astonishing what the brain will do when facing tidal waves of lactic acid. The rope can’t hurt you if it’s not there, take away its power and you disconnect the pain. This individuals steel enforced mind was on display.
HS JUMPS
Ever seen the painful irony of a Ferrari stuck in traffic? The HS JUMPS are usually seen when supercomputer hardware built for 6 minute miles is assigned low end software like the schoolyard rope. Just waiting for the moment to stretch his legs, his only consolation was a 10 inch vertical coupon squat jumps.
SV JUMPS
The final and most devastating of the JUMPS. The SV type is so severe that it regresses the individual to his previous stage of jump rope comfort…early childhood. We all ignored him singing little Sally Walker as he was skipping but his later explanations that this was optimal jump roping were harder to stomach. In contrast, he embraced the pain of the GDR, adding a new recipe to the kitchen at Camp Desolation.
Study Conclusion:
The JUMPS are out there, hiding in plain sight men. The only way out of the house pain is to go though it. Reach out to that brother in your life and put a coupon in his hands instead.
Announcements including ABs upcoming manniversary, 10-15 HCs already so get a spot in the gloom early.
ME prayed us out
4 men were presented with a hard choice today and took the pain. Proud to be skipping alongside you boys in the soup. It’s a privilege to lead.
Might as well jump.
SYITG,
Dox