PAX: Maneater, Goose, AB, Honeysuckle, Pope, Lil Cuz, Roxbury, Bam Bam, Duke, Coyote, Jacknife

AO: The Peltch

By: Maneater

Coming into this Q, YHC had two thoughts. This morning was either going to be really fun, or a total disaster and waste of everyone’s morning. Turns out, both can be true at the same time.

On the heels of a Roman Vs Jewish Zealot beatdown, YHC went into the Thursday before this beatdown with absolutely no idea what I was going to do for a Saturday beatdown…..

Play football? Nah, I’d rather stay out of the spicy grass this week. A beatdown about failing at life? Nah, Yankee Jeaux has beaten that topic into the ground. Something about Animals?

Then its struck YHC. What if I could devise a beatdown where everyone has a free pass to be A-holes to each other, insults every PAX, and pretends like it’s all in good fun.

That’s It!! After posting a call for PAX to bring Whiteboards and Jumper Cables, a new game was born.

In the works of Dox:

Hey Yote, cancel my appointments for the next two days. I have new priorities. I mean…….

Warmup:
SSH
Willy Mays Hayes
Tie Fighters
Cherry Pickers
Slow High Knees
Slow Butt kicks

Followed by a Mosey to Thunder Dome with white boards and 3 sets of Jumper Cables in tow.

Pax Split up into teams:
AB and Goose, HS and Pope, Lil’ Cuz and Roxbury, Bam Bam and JK, Coyote and Duke, Man and Eater.

Cards Against Mediocrity Rules:

Each Pax/Team has a dry erase board
There are 5 different Types of Cards
Q-uestion Cards:
These are the prompts for the questions. Most of them are statements with blanks to be filled.
Answer Cards:
These are the cards that answer the Q cards, or fill in the blanks.
Answer workouts:
These cards determine what workout will be performed while Q cards are read to the PAX, and while Pax are writing their answers on their white boards
Winner Workouts:
These are the workouts that will be done after each answer. The winner picks one after the Q-uestioner chooses a winner

Reps:

How many reps of the winner workout will be done. Chosen by the winner of each round.

Rules:

Q-uestioner pulls a Q-Card and a workout card. Q-uestioner reads the question and Announces the workout. All Pax perform the workout until everyone is done answering, or for 1 minute whichever is longer. If a PAX can’t come up with a good answer on his own he can buy an Answer card for 5 merkins each.

Q-uestioner decides who wins the round. The winner pulls a Winner workout and Reps card, and announces it. All Pax perform the winner workout. (All running cards default to one rep.) The winner then becomes the Q-uestioner. The Pax/team with the most wins … wins.

The Thang:

YHC can’t remember how the workouts got doled out but suffice it to say that there was little to no running.

Here are some of the top Questions and Answers:

I couldn’t hear the instructions because _____ wouldn’t stop ____
-AB, farting
-Goose, giving the instructions
-TerraVanilli, complaining

In M Night Shamalyan’s new movie Bruce Wellis discovers that ____ was ____ all along
-Honeysuckle, right
-Maneater, 40

Today’s beatdown made me realize that ____ needs therapy about ____
-Jankee Joe, everything
-Maneater, people not showing up to his beatdowns

I got 99 problems but _____ ain’t one.
-A lack of BK500 t-shirts

Last year my mind was blown when ______
-Learned that Lil Cuz wasn’t ACTUALLY 45

Here we go…. Nilli is complaining about _____ again
-Everything
-Having to exercise at a beatdown
-Paradox not knowing Steely Dan’s bassist’s 3rd grade teacher

When preparing for a ________ beatdown, you should ______ yourself as many times a day as you can.
-AB, pooping
-AB, listen to obscure music and make up how it “connects”
-White Meat or Terravanilli, pinch

YHC had devised roughly 50 questions, but we got through less than half. Some of the ones I had hoped to get to but didn’t are:

To understand___ better, try to think of him as _______

Man he’s a great guy but I just can’t get past _____

Giving ____ the Q is a slippery slope that leads to _____

TSA guidelines now prohibit ____________ from bringing his ________ on a plane

Step 1. _________ Step 2. ________ Step 3. ________. Failed Q

The climax of YJ’s monologues are always ___________

_________. That’s what she said (F3 applicable)

When all was said and done, everyone was appropriately butthurt, and no one won. But everyone did at the least, wish that certain other PAX had been in attendance so that they could have aired some grievances. And that’s good, since anarchy was the goal all along. Plus YHC got a free set of Jumper cables so…I mean.

PAX moseyed back to the flags. Everyone counted off, prayer intentions included prayers of gratitude for Yote’s continuing improvement, prayers for pregnant mothers, prayers for families, and prayers for careers. Lil Cuz Prayed us out.

SYITG,
Maneater